Halfway there

Ok so suddenly it's been two weeks since I last put pen to paper (or tapped away on a touchscreen) and talked about myself lots. I didn't mean to leave you all in the dark about my life happens so soz.

What's happened since my last post? Um I've done lots of coffee/shopping dates as per. I've started swimming again and actually trying to be fit (strength wise not sexy and I know it wise) like my swimming buddy Sara says 'not a new year's resolution but a life improvement'. I've done lots of crafting for an upcoming youth event at church and we've launch Alpha after what seems forever planning.  I gone out for drinks a few times, once was a poor decision on a Sunday evening and once was an accidental Friday night. Actually thanks to that glowing gin and tonic fuelled night I saw snow in Paris (you just gotta wait it out till 5:30am kids). I've had the nicest Saturday in a while which consisted of lots of chats and coffee, discovering new parts of Paris and a wonderful evening meal in good company.

I don't think I've missed anything out so lets move on to the nitty gritty. I'm halfway through, halfway through my contract as for halfway through my time here? Je ne sais pas, that for sure remains till be seen. I've made no bones about it, I hate my job, the family are wonderful and welcoming but I just do not enjoy being an au pair. It's stressful and pretty boring at times,  work hours suck and I really dislike being at the mercy of a family.  However I've built my life here pretty well, I've filled my time gaining experience in work that I actually enjoy and living the most amazing time in this beautiful city. I have done some things here I never would have or could have before and I've formed friendships for life.

And there is still so much to look forward too, from next weekend to next month. I've finally got some kind of idea what comes next after this adventure, I'm not ready to share just what yet but let's all enjoy that Kate is finding direction. There's holidays and visits to go on and I still have a long list of Paris to see. I determined to live every moment in this city enjoying it.  I wanna do everything, see everything and go everywhere. I got exciting plans for the next half a year and beyond and none of it includes sitting watching the world go by.

A nice brief updats because, well I gotta a lot to do!

I am

I am, je suis. Nous sommes, we are.
Whether it's followed by Charlie, Muslim, Jewish, Christian, United, the Capital of the World it's there.
There's no escaping this blog post, I live in Paris, my home is a city that last week suffered at the hands of terrorists.
You've all seen the news and know what's happened, in all honesty the pictures on the news is the extent of what I've seen from the attacks too. I live literally on the other side of Paris from the trouble.

But I've seen the aftermath, I've collected my children from school whilst an armed guard stands watch, my bag is getting checked just about everywhere I go, I've seen the march and heard stories from it and I've seen just how one city reacts to such an event.

I've also seen different people's reactions, I won't talk about them, not my stories to tell.  I'll talk about my reaction though, I refused to let the terrorists scare me.  Paris didn't stop so neither did I, it would be wrong to say life went on as normal but I didn't stop living.  Looking after two very aware children was a test; they knew what was happening so I had to do my best to answer the questions thrown at me including 'what do we do if you get shot Kate?'.

I also chose not to go on the march, 1 million people went, I would've been one face in the crowd. A face that hates crowds. I did my bit though; I taught the 10 commandments to the young boy who told me we should kill all the baddies at Bubbles during the morning service.  I also did that completely typically British thing of taking coffee and biscuits round to the police standing in the cold. See the church is right next to the British embassy in Paris, Sunday (march day) this was where all the officals congregated (pretty sure I saw DC in the AM). So there were LOTS of lovely policemen hanging about all day. I was hanging about at church in between services and didn't have much to do, so avec Natalie and Katie we wander round handing out hot café to the police. The policemen were completely shocked and taken aback by our small gesture, it was nothing to us but obviously quite something to them (we even got given a police nationale badge for our service.  Favourite. Gift. Ever)

And I did something bigger than any of these conversations and gestures; I prayed, lots. I wasn't afraid of my religion nor did I hide it. It's times like last week when I'm shown just how amazing my God is and just how much I can rely on him. I am proud that I put my fear and pain into the hands of mighty power and I will NEVER be silenced or scared of being a Christian.

So to all you that have asked this week of I was ok? I am ok, je suis ça va. 

The thing about resolutions

That's it, Christmas season over, 2015 has begun and I'm attempting to get my life back to some kind of normal routine.

Christmas 2014 was amazing, I was lucky enough to go back to Kent on the 21st in the end which meant extra days with my loved ones. The festive season kicked off in Paris the week before with Christmas drinks and lots of goodbyes untill the new year; I even helped to cook a Christmas dinner with Cath for some fellow au pairs. But it was stepping off the train at Ebbsfleet when I really started to get excited about the holidays. Coming home after 4 months away is always exciting, I love nothing more then walking through our red front door and being greeted by our over excited pooch; at 14 years old she takes a few moments longer to register me but she still remembers eventually. I spent 10 days at home which is longer then I normally did during university but it was so hard to leave this time. Holidays are meant to be for relaxing but this did not really happen for me; I packed 10 days full of seeing my beautiful best friends, spending time with family, catching up with old friends and I even went back to the pub for a few shifts. I ate too much, drank sooooo much gin and tonic and beathed as much country air as I could. I can't even begin to tell you how good it was to see everyone again, the older friendships get the more difficult it is being the one whose always away. But as Chantal pointed out, I haven't changed, much anyway I just have roots now, wear less colour and more lipstick. It was also so good to be out of a city and back in sleepy Kent, I've never appreciated it enough. Living so close to London and relatively big towns means our patch of Kent doesn't always feel as country as others but going back you realise it really is very country. I have realised that whilst it is fun for a while I could never permanently settle in a city, I'd miss long walks, country pubs and beautiful views too much. And as much as it pains me to admit, walking into a pub and knowing more then just the people you came with is nice.

But I did come back to Paris, just in time for New Years and to lock everyone out on a balcony for 2 hours (yup calamity Kate strikes again). I've got such mixed feelings about being back, I didn't want to leave Kent but I also really wanted/needed to come back to a big city and loose myself in it again at least for a little while longer. It's been a blessing really because it's pretty quiet here atm so I can take some time to relax and catch up on sleep before work starts again on Monday.

 So 2015, everyone made new years resolutions? I didn't, I never really do, resolutions always seem useless to me, I never stick to them. I could resolve to be a less messy, more stable person who doesn't make really bad decisions (or 'Kate' choices as Robyn so delicately puts it) who drinks less and saves more money. Who because she has saved more money can travel more. Someone who finally figures out where she wants to be, what she wants to be doing and who, well just who. But I'm not sure I'd be me if I took away all those things and why should I? I'm happy and healthy. However every new years eve I sit and write a letter to myself, dear past year me, here's what you've survived and achieved and here's what you've got to look forward too. I read them all back occasionally just to check myself. In fact I sit and write letters a lot, it's the BEST therapy, just sit there and write everything you're feeling down, address it to whoever you want or just yourself. Mine turn into prayers, revelations or just full in self indulgent dwelling, but whatever they end up like they help. I've got a book stuffed full of them, I read back over them and they make me cry, laugh, cringe and be thankful that I'm not going through that anymore. So here's to 2015, I'm sure I'll write many more letters throughout the year.