finding myself

This last week was a calm one until the weekend hit; tonight is my first night in since Thursday, hence no blog. So Thursday is where I will start, did you all know that France celebrates something called Beaujolais Nouveau? Nope, well me either till my wonderful host family informed me about it, it simply is a night were French people go out to drink this Beaujolais wine. It's a wine best drunk young apparently (because even drunk young it's foul so I can't imagine what it's like older...) and the night is every third Thursday in November and it us when the first new crop is released. Not one to pass up discovering a new French tradition I obviously had to give it a try. And then three more bottles and some shots. Merde. Fell down the stairs the next morning and now I'm sporting a cracking bruise on my ass.

So Friday day was spent in bed, I genuinely couldn't move for fear of throwing up. Still ever the trooper I am off I went on Friday for some drinks in Place Monge with the lovely Sara and Georges. We had to go early to get Sara's friend from Opera so me and Georges decided late night McDonalds was a better idea then more beer, it definitely was. Had an early start on Saturday anyways, Gemma and I went on an adventure. Only to Porte de Versailles but still... we went to the sewing expo thing there, called make do and mend. Well, it's a good job I didn't take much money because I was in heaven, I could've spent faaarrr too much there. It was super nice to do something different also. 

Saturday night involved bucket cocktails, I have not drunk one of these since Magaluf. Me and Cath planned a few drinks, Cath is the one with the Parisian boyfriend, Nico, so she invites all the Parisians she knows too. I was quite squiffy before I even left Nico's flat thanks to champagne and whatever it was in a shot glass. Then in this bar bucket cocktails appeared, no that was a bad idea. It was actually a really good night, these guys are my favourite Parisians, they only correct my French in a nice way and let me teach them Cockney slang and Welsh. 

Sunday was chilled out bliss at church, I love the sanctuary there away from noisy Paris and busy lives, although we're all pretty busy there too haha. Then last night was church music and AV team drinks, considering the past 5 days it's unsurprising I woke up today with a horrible headache. Although there aren't many nights I drink excessively these days, 2/3 drinks is so easy to do in Paris and it all adds up.

So something I've been thinking and answering a lot recently is this, have you found a French boyfriend yet? (Or something to that extent and even by mes enfants) I must get asked this question at least once a week and my response is always no. Of course when I accepted a job in Paris I thought of drinking champagne under the Eiffel Tower with a beautiful frenchman, think Lauren Conrad in the Hills.... but have realised it's just not a priority for me.

Paris has been like therapy for me; if you know me at all you know that my years at uni were so consumed by one damaging relationship. It was a first year at uni cliche and it ended badly, scars of break ups run deep but mine ran deeper then what was healthy. Second year was a continuous haze of me messing up, he hurt me so I could hurt others right? No, Kate, so very wrong, looking back if I could go back and not hurt the people I did I wouldn't. Then by third year I was doing fine, until he came back into my life,not enough that you could call it anything but enough that it hurt me again. It was a poisonous relationship at the best of times and I sometimes bored myself talking about it. I made so many mistakes because of it, somewhere along the way I forgot what was important. I also gave up my faith because of it, I was so ready to stop loving God because he didn't, I'm lucky my God's a forgiving one. But now, it's just a story I tell.

Aberystwyth was so small and suffocating at times, everyone knew the situation or liked to talk. Coming to Paris where no one knew what went on before has been amazing. I've realised I've let this relationship and men in general for far too long affect most parts of my life. I am loving every second of not having any attachments, no people I have to avoid and no people whispering about what I did last night. The city of lights has erased scars and given me back my passion for faith and the church. I don't walk into pubs and look around to check whose there because people always talk, I look around for a free table. I've other, more important relationships that needed fixing and healing first. I want to enjoy Paris carefree and footloose, not tied up in a relationship. I have spent the last 3 years defining everything by one relationship, I don't want to do it anymore. So I'm not. 

just chats about the weekend

Yet again it's Tuesday and I'm still exhausted from the weekend, this is becoming a regular occurance. 

Let's start at Thursday; I was entrusted with the church's au pair café, woah. Actually it was pretty easy, I just needed to set the place up and keep everyone chatting. Very successful.  

Friday started early, I had to get to Gare du Nord and when you're on the other side of Paris it's a bit of a trek on the metro.  Anyways I made it in time to meet mother off her Eurostar, she wins the prize for first visitor whilst I'm here. She was only here for one night but because she came early we had plenty of time.  She got to see chez moi, meet the whole family here as well as even doing a kiddie shift with me. We went to the Christmas Market (in the rain) and le Marais.  I showed her all my new favourite places and we even discovered a crêperie together which I will definitely be returning too! It was super strange showing mum around Paris as a resident not a tourist. I particularly enjoyed correcting her french as mine isn't half bad haha!

Sandwiched in between two long days with mum was another reunion, this time it was one of the boys from university.  He too is living in France now and he was passing through my city, I was only too happy to oblige to go for a few pints! It was so nice to have someone to chats Aberystwyth with but also to moan about how we don't fit in with French fashion and how we are acclimatising to red wine. I miss having male friends around, there's just no drama with them but more then that I miss aber life; it's a pretty unique way of life I'm not sure anywhere will come close, it's always to talk with people who understand. 

Then Saturday night was dinner and drinks with Jodie and later Helen, it was a pretty chilled affair in the end, not that I'm complaining, I had to be up on Sunday to take E to rollerblading.  Yup 9am on a Sunday I had to work, I'm really hoping this doesn't become a regular thing, I did not enjoy it. The rest of Sunday was nice though, an Ikea trip with Gemma and a few others was perfect use of a Sunday.  I only bought a few bits but they are useful bits and then obviously I had a hot dog (Ikea France doesn't sell chips...). Then it was a good few hours spent in church followed by wine and a bit of a debrief but mainly quite thought provoking conversation. I was struggling at this point and my addition to the conversation was mainly made up by sarcastic comments...

And then it was Monday again and as per what seems to be my norm now I have been going to class, sleeping and doing my shifts.  I am still exhausted and the weekend is creeping up again. I'm not complaining though, I wouldn't want the boring quiet life! 

part deux

Where was I? Extremely hungover on Sunday, yep about right.  I felt rough. I went along because maybe we were going to paint the room some more but I have never been more happy to hear Nats suggestion to do it another day. So we had an amazing amount of pasta whilst curled up watching David Attenborough's Life Stories; the best use of a Sunday.  Sunday evening Faye came to the families home for dinner which was gooooodddd.  Although im not sure choosing to drink all the wine I did after two heavy nights was a good idea. Definitely not. But it's so lovely to actually take time to chat with D&I properly. So often our lives are all so busy that we only talk about business stuff. 

I borrowed some lovely pictures off Faye of the lovely people I spent Saturday night with. I particularly love the picture of me and Helen and sparklers probably too close to our face.

Monday was a write off; no sleep, too much wine and too much on my mind caught up with me. Thank goodness for Zoe and coffee, our long honest chats are so good for the soul sometimes.  Friends are the best therapy. 

Tuesday tops my list as one of my favourite experiences in Paris; in France, Armistice day is a bank holiday.  Whilst I know its slightly different here because they got invaded but I think England should consider this. Zoe put it perfectly 'two minutes just isn't long enough to think'. So I went with my church to the Royal British Legion's service in the cathédrale de Notre Dame. Wow. I was so blessed and humbled to go to that service. It was beautiful, the British scouts and guides were there, war veterans in their dress with all their medals, the procession was lead by Scottish pipers and there was an amazing sermon on war. It was amazing, I was so proud to be British and it was lovely to sing the national anthem in such a breathtaking building. This was followed up by coffee with Cath, our first Christmas coffees of the season got us in the Christmas mood and we made some exciting plans. I went home very happy on Tuesday.  

Today has been spent trying to get everything done before the busy weekend ahead, more about that after.

The one with two parts

I need another holiday already! This week has been crazy busy, so yes this blog will have two parts.

First off, I forgot something I did in the holidays; on the Wednesday me and Cath took the longest autumn walk ever. Call me a geek but I love it, so much. We walked around Jardin de Luxembourg, Saint-Germain area and a little way down the river to Tuileries. It was so pretty.

Back to last week and whilst the week was pretty boring the weekend was far from it! Faye, the au pair who was with my family before me, was visiting. Not gonna lie I was nervous, what if I was doing everything wrong and a rubbish job! Thankfully I don't think she thought so (at least she didn't say anything if she did :-)) I was so nice having an extra hand and someone to talk to whilst A wanted to play in his room. We had nibbles and fizzy wine with I in the evening which was nice to sit and have a chance to chat without enfants around. Then I went to Zoe's lush new flat for some gin and biscuits. And then I went to meet Cath and the elusive Nico. Well, that was an experience.

Cath tells me to not expect much because this bar is unique. She says think cat lady, well, I thought and I just saw my future so I was not too worried. Le P'tit Bar (Le Petit Bar) is not like any other bar you will EVER go in. There is nothing I can compare it too so close your eyes and imagine this; walking into a room no bigger the my kitchen in Mill Street or my upstairs in Paris or my bedroom in the Vicarage. If you've seen  none of these think small. I think the space itself is actually pretty roomy but there is just so much stuff in this place. 'The Hoarder next door' would have a field day!!! The Christmas decorations are still/already up, the spirit bottles are all caked in dust, there is a plant occupying most of the front space and for some reason half eaten loaves of bread everywhere. Do not go to this place if you have OCD and care for hygiene beyond an average person. There were 6/7 of us there and we took up pretty much all the room there is to stand there, you had to get pretty personal with everyone pretty quickly to move round there. After I adjusted to my surroundings, the smell and the new people I was offered a drink (beer from a bottle thank goodness) at which point I saw the landlady. Wow this must be a woman into her late eighties/nineties, pretty deaf and not all there. Story is she's run the bar ever since her husband died, it's a labour of love, yes it's a shithole but that's because this woman won't accept anyone's help, she can do it all by herself (you go Glen Coco). She's pretty cool, she accuses people of stealing her decorations and can't add up so paying was a bit of a to do. There is also a cat tucked away and some birds which I thought were stuffed at first. This bar was an experience, English health and safety would die if they saw it, I however quite liked it, not for too long because the smell permeates you lungs and the toilet is unacceptable but a couple of beers puts some money in Madame P's till and keeps her going. I'm so sad I didn't have my camera to take photographic evidence of this place, just a good reason to go back.

Saturday was pretty fun, bit of redecorating in a room at church. Was nice to get painty again. And there were only four of us but it was super fun, it also made it that but more rewarding when the job was done. Saturday night I went to Natalie and Jodie's where Faye was staying for dinner and drinks before heading out to Le  Violon Dingue. Helen and Michel also joined us. These were all Faye's friends before, she put me in contact with them all, so I was the newbie/outsider, I never felt like it though! I had such a good night, even if all the sambuca shots didn't agree with everyone... There was good food, goodish wine, sparklers on the balcony, lots of laughter and a bit if dancing, reminded me of an aber night tbh, I miss those. Although Sunday morning I did do the usual 'never drinking again thing'

To be continued...

Too many sandwiches and biscuits

Holidays over, back to work. Not actually as bad as it sounds, pains me to admit that I missed my little munchkins at their faces at my front door on Monday morning made me crack a smile through my bleary red wine fug.

I'll be honest,I'm struggling to remember what I spent my second week doing, I know there was lots of coffee and baking involved. The work in the kitchen was in full swing so it was super awks hanging chez moi during the day, shout out to my church's kitchen for providing a sanctuary for me to bake in during the week. Other then that it was nice to have coffee etc with friends and not have to dash off somewhere after, Paris is about taking your time and so often there's no chance too. Friday was fun, me and Gemma went to the architecture museum at the Trocadéro, another freebie. The museum is fantastic, I particularly enjoyed the casts of gothic architecture from around France;  more then that though the views from the building were beautiful too. We followed our culture up with a stroll back to our hood via the Seine where we stumbled upon the Radio France building in the middle of a big fire, merde! This obviously was hungry work so we treated ourselves to M&S sandwichs for lunch. After I met up with Zoe where curtain pole shopping turned into Friday afternoon drinks in the sun, the dream. This was a favourite past time of mine from uni and it was so nice to gave a chance to afternoon drink again! Halloween night was a pretty chilled night at Gemma's, I've only ever dressed up for Halloween once in my life so I really didn't feel like I missed much having a quietish night in.

Saturday was, in my books, a perfect Parisian day. It started with coffee and some bible study which really put a few things into perspective for me. This was followed by a wander through Le Marais to Place voyage via falafel stands and Yiddish pâtisseries for lunch supplies. I got a salt beef sandwich because my sister challenged me to find the best one (and if you know me at all you know I can't resist challenges) I think I could leave this world happy now knowing I've found the greatest sandwich ever. So we made the most of the heat that was still holding on, it was November 1st and we were still in light jackets and cardies. I will say though that now we've finally got a winter chill going on, I have even considered gloves the past couple of days...

Saturday night, I got the house to myself for the first time since moving here, bliss. Stock up on rubbish food and watched Gossip Girl all evening. Sunday of course was busy, Bubbles in the morning for probably the last time and then sound desk in the evening. I don't resent busy Sundays at my church at all though, in fact I love them. My family Skyped me on Sunday after lunch, I miss them so much but I was so nice to see them altogether and be a part of family day virtually. Little things like that keep you going whilst you're away. Sunday night consisted of one glass of wine after the evening service turning into three bottles between three of us. Whilst Monday was a fog of fatigue I don't regret it, it was one of those evenings where you sit down and realise you have so much to talk about with the people your with. We kept ordering more wine because we had so much more to say, not because we were on a mission for a heavy night.

Monday I came back down to earth with a thud, lessons are back on and the kids are back in my care after school. Between this and the commitment I have to things at church I'm happily busy, I have never been one who enjoys doing nothing, I need to be active and doing stuff. Tonight is the first chance I've had to sit down and finish this blog off that I started writing on Tuesday.... oops.

Although it give me a good chance to share what I shared with most people I saw today, I need to stop eating so many biscuits in this darn city. These last two weeks have been ridiculous food wise, no kitchen has meant grabbing whatever where ever and that has normally meant rubbish junk food. I normally feeds me fruit and veg every day (that makes me sound like a child but the mum does do all my cooking...) without someone giving it to me a never buy fruit and obviously choose sandwiches over salad. I survived just about at uni by the invention that was stir fry and a gym membership, here I don't even have my running shoes. Paris is a city with a boulangerie every ten metres, I have very low will power when it comes to pain au chocolats. Let's also not forget Monday when I ate crepes for breakfast, cheeseburger for lunch and crepes for dinner. Merde. I shouldn't even eat white bread, I'd given it up before I moved here, ffs. Now the wonderment that is French food has worn off maybe I should go back to making sure I don't get scurvy or rickets. And the kitchen is finished now so fingers crossed I will provide ample bananas for me to munch on, although last time I ate a banana it was pretty traumatic...